Þe Kings and Cƿeens of England

The text here was adapted from a document called Kings and Queens of England & Britain by Ben Johnson, The Story of Britain by Rebecca Fraser, and from Wikipedia.

I have chosen to count the first kings named Edward in the numbering scheme, so in this text Edward Longshanks is numbered as Edward the Third rather than Edward the First.

Beware, this article: uses spellings which have had foreign influence reverted; uses ⟨þ⟩ instead of ⟨th⟩ simply because I like ⟨þ⟩.

Huse of Wessex (before oning England)
Cerdic 519 – 534

It is said þat Cerdic and his son Cynric came from uteside of Britten, landed in Hampshire in 495, slew a Brittish king named Natanleod, and made þe Kingdom of Wessex. It is odd, huefer, þat Cerdic and þe next few men in his bloodline seem to bear Brittish names. Some beleefe Cerdic was in trewþ a Brit, and þat his kingdom only became English ofer time, wiþ its later folk edwriting stear to make it seem as þo þe kingdom was English from þe start.

Cynric 534 – 560

Under Cynric, Wessex widened into Wiltshire and took Barbury Castel.

Ceawlin 560 – 592

Ceawlin kept on widening Wessex, fiteing Brits as well as fellow Engelkin. Bede says Ceawlin gained lordship ofer all þe lands suþe of þe Humber. It is said þat his neefe took his þrone after winning þe Guþe of Wooden's Barrow.

Ceolric 592 – 597

Ceolric was þe sonson of Cynric. He handed þe þrone ofer to his broþer Ceolwulf.

Ceolwulf 597 – 611

Ceolwulf fot nayboring folk.

Cynegils 611 – 642

Cynegils may haf fot against Penda of Merkrich.

Cenwalh 642 – 674

Cenwalh was baptised by Birinus, but it seems he was not a good Cristen. It is said he wed Penda's dotter, but swapped her ute for anoþer wife, leading to him being drifen ute of his kingdom and taking shelter wiþ þe East Engels. He seems to haf come back to his þrone and set up bishopricks.

Seaxburg 672 – 674

Seaxburg was þe wife of Cenwalh. It may be þat þroute her weeld Wessex was splintered into underkingdoms.

Æscwine 674 – 676

Wessex may haf still been splintered þroute his time on þe þrone. He fot off a storming of Wessex by Wulfhere of Merkrich.

Centwine 676 – 686

Wessex may haf still been splintered þroute his time on þe þrone. It is said he drofe þe Brits to þe sea, and at some time became a Cristen, and later gaf up his þrone to become a monk.

Cædwalla 685 – 688

Cædwalla was fleemed from Wessex as a yewþ, but he is said to haf brot some of us men wiþ him and slew þe king of þe Suþe Saxes, but could not hold þe land for himself. He eftcame home, took þe þrone, and bund þe kingdom back togeþer. Cædwalla widened his weeld; he wharfed back to Sussex and took þe land; he went suþe, took þe Iland of Wite, wiped ute þe huse of its king, and made þe landfolk become Cristens; he went east and put Kent under his lordship. At þe end of his life, Cædwalla went to Room to be baptised by Pope Sergius I, and died shortly after.

Ine 688 – 726

Ine could not hold onto all þe land Cædwalla had nome, þo he kept Hampshire. Ine put forþ a set of laws called in Latin "leges Inae". Later in life he gafe up þe þrone and went to Room.

Æþelheard 726 – 740

Æþelheard may haf been þe broþer-in-law of Ine. It may be þat Æþelheard took þe þrone wiþ Merkish backing, and þiss may haf put Wessex under Merkrics lordship.

Cuþræd 740 – 756

Cuþræd may haf been Æþelheard's broþer. At þiss time Merkrich was at its hite. Cuþræd freed Wessex from Merkrichs oferlordship at Guþe Edge in Burford.

Sigeberht 756 – 757

Sigeberht was kin of Cuþræd. He was unliked and was þrown off þe þrone. He was gifen weeld ofer Hampshire, but before long he was drifen ute of þere and killed.

Cynewulf 757 – 786

Cynewulf was raised to þe þrone by þe Wittenmoot after Sigeberht was cast dune. He fot þe Welsh, and þe Merkmen to þe norþ. It is said þat while Cynewulf was away from his seat and wiþ only a small duþe, Cyneheard aþeling, þe broþer of Sigeberht, gaþered some men and beset Cynewulf at his hold. Cynewulf went ute to fite, but was ofercome. When some of Cynewulf's þanes became aware þat someþing was amiss þey rushed to þeir king only to find him dead. Cyneheard bade þese þanes riches if þey would yeeld, but þe þanes chose to fite for þeir king and were also slain. Þe next morning when þe oþer þanes, þose who had not heard yesterday's din, learned of þeir king's deaþ, þey rode to where Cyneheard was abiding. Again Cyneheard bade riches, saying he would gif boþ wealþ and land to þese þanes if þey would follow him, but again he was spurned. Þe þanes told him þey would nefer follow þe one who slew þeir king. Þe þanes fot until þey broke þro þe gates of Cyneheard's hold, and þey slew þe aþeling and his men.

Berhtric 786 – 802

Berhtric was king when þe earliest known Wiking raid happened at Dorset. He was a þoft of King Offa of Merkrich.

Ecgberht 802 – 839

Ecgberht was þe son of Berhtric, and þe first king to set up a steady and wide weeld ofer all of England. After coming back from fleemedom at þe yard of Carl þe Great in 802, he took back his kingdom of Wessex. Following his nimming of Merkrich in 827, he held weeld ofer all of England suþe of þe Humber. After furþer syes in Norþumberland and norþern Wales he became known by þe titel Britenweelder. shortly before he died, almost sefenty years old, he felled a fayed host of Dens and Cornishmen in Cornwall.

Æþelwulf 839 – 856

Æþelwulf was þe son of Ecgberht. In 851 he felled a Danish here at þe guþe of Oakley while his eldest son Æþelstan felled þe Dens at sea off þe shore of Kent. A hiely trowful man, Æþelwulf fared to Room wiþ his son Ælfræd to see þe Pope in 855.

Æþelbald 856 – 860

Æþelbald was þe eldest son of Æþelwulf. He was þroned after he came back from a pilgrimage to Room and made his faþer step dune. Following his faþer’s deaþ in 858, he wed his widowed stepmoþer Judiþ, but under þresting from þe church þe wedlock was fordone after only a year.

Æþelberht 860 – 866

Æþelberht was þe broþer of Æþelbald. Shortly after being þroned, a Danish here landed and sacked Winchester before being felled by þe Saxes. In 865 þe wiking Great Heaþen Here landed in East Engelrich and swept þwart England.

Æþelræd 866 – 871

Æþelræd was þe broþer of Æþelberht. His time on þe þrone was a long struggel wiþ þe Dens who had numb York in 866, setting up þe wiking kingdom of York. When þe Danish here fared suþe, Wessex itself was þreatened, and so togeþer wiþ his broþer Ælfræd he set ute and fot much wiþ þe wikings at Reading, Ashdune and Basing. Æþelræd took earnest wunds bin þe next great guþe at Meretun in Hampshire and died shortly after.

Ælfræd þe Great 871 – 899

Ælfræd was þe broþer of Æþelræd, he was learned and is said to haf gone to Room twise. Ælfræd showed himself to be a strong leader in many guþes, and as a wise leader held dune fife droof years of friþ wiþ þe Dens before þey again struck Wessex in 877. Ælfræd was made to fall back to a small iland in þe Somerset Wetlands, and it was from here þat he plotted his comeback (and where tales say he was chided by an old woman he was taking shelter wiþ for unwittingly letting her cakes burn). Wiþ great syes at Edington, Rochester and London, Ælfræd spread West Saxish weeld ofer most of England. To fasten his hard won meres, Ælfræd set up a fulltime here and what would become þe Kingfleet of later years. To fasten his stead in stear, he called for þe writing of þe Engelkin Saw.

Eadweard þe Elder 899 – 924

Eadweard was þe son of Ælfræd. He took back suþeeast England and þe Midlands from þe Dens. Following þe þe deaþ of his sister Æþelflæd of Merkrich, Eadweard fayed þe kingdoms of Wessex and Merkrich. In 923, þe Engelkin Saw says þat þe Skottish King Constantine II acknowledged Eadweard as “faþer and lord”. Þe following year, Eadweard was killed in a guþe against þe Welsh near Chester.

Huse of Wessex (after oning England)
Aþelstan 924 – 939

Aþelstan was þe son of Eadweard. He widened þe meres of his kingdom at þe Guþe of Brunanburh in 937. In what is said to be one of þe bloodiest guþes efer fot on Brittish ground, Aþelstan felled a fayed here of Welsh and Dens, taking for himself þe ekename Britenweelder. Þe guþe saw þe Engelkin folk brot togeþer for þe first time under a trew and whole Kingdom of England. For þiss, Aþelstan is known as þe first king of England.

Edmund 939 – 946

Edmund was þe halfboþer of Aþelstan, and had fot alongside him at þe Guþe of Brunanburh two years earlier. He again set up Engelkin weeld ofer norþern England, which had fallen back under Norþman weeld following þe deaþ of his broþer. At fife-and-twenty, and while afeeing þe simbel of Augustine, it is said Edmund was stabbed to deaþ by a þeef in his hall at Puckelchurch.

Edred 946 – 955

Edred was þe broþer of Edmund. He followed in his hird's wone of slaying wikings, and in 954 þrew ute þe last wiking King of York, Eric Bloodax. Edred lifed wiþ an earnest belly sickness þat ended up killing him in his early þirties. He was unwed and wiþute an erfnimmer.

Edwy 955 – 959

Edwy was þe neefe of Edred, and was abute sixteen when he was þroned. Tales haf it þat his þroning had to be stalled so þat Bishop Dunstan could rip Edwy from his bed, and from his whore and her moþer. It is said þat for þiss Edwy had Dunstan fleemed to Frankrich. Edwy died when he was only twenty, þe umbstandings of his deaþ were not written dune.

Edgar þe Friþful 959 – 975

Edgar was þe broþer of Edwy, and had been at odds wiþ his broþer ofer þe þrone for some years. Following Edwy's weird deaþ, Edgar called Dunstan back rite away from fleemdom, making him Alderbishop of Canterbury as well as his personal redesman. Following his þroning in 973, Edgar weyed his here to Chester to be met by six kings of Britain. Þe kings, yinning þe King of þe Skots, þe King of Strackelledwales, and sundry aþelings of Norwales, are said to haf showed þeir trow to Edgar by rowing him in his ferry dune þe ea called Dee.

Edward I þe Þroer 975 – 978

Edward was þe son of Edgar, and was þroned at twelfe years old. Alþo staddelled by Alderbishop Dunstan, his call to þe þrone was gainstood by followers of his much younger halfbroþer Aþelred. Þe following flite between þe two sides wiþin þe church and between almost led to infiteing in England. Edward's short time on þe þrone ended when he was murþered by followers of Aþelred.

Aþelred þe Unredey 978 – 1016

Aþelred was þe halfbroþer of Edward. He could not stand against þe Dens, earning him his ekename. He became king umb ten years old, but fled to Normandy in 1013 when Sweyn Forkbeard, King of þe Dens, stormed England. Sweyn was boded King of England but died only fife weeks later. Aþelred eftcame in 1014 after Sweyn's deaþ and took back his þrone. Þe rest of Aþelred's time on þe þrone was one of an unending war wiþ Sweyn's son Cnut.

Edmund II Ironside 1016 – 1016

Þe son of Aþelred þe Unredey, Edmund had led þe fite against Cnut and his storming of England sinse 1015. Following þe deaþ of his faþer he was made king by þe folk of London. Þe Wittenmoot, huefer, chose Cnut. Following his loss at þe Guþe of Assandun, Edmund made a deal wiþ Cnut to split England between þem. Edmund died later þat year, maybe from murþer.

Cnut (Huse of Denmark) 1016 – 1035

Cnut became king of all England following þe deaþ of Edmund II. Þe son of Sweyn Forkbeard, he lead well and gained þe blessing of his English underlings by sending most of his here back to Denmark. In 1017, Cnut wed Emma of Normandy, þe widow of Aþelred II, and sundered England into þe four earldoms of East Engels, Merkland, Norþumberland, and Wessex. He went to Room in 1027. Tales haf it þat he onse went to þe sea and bade þe tide not to come in so þat his underlings could see his mite was not beyond þat of a man, þo later edtellings twist þe tale to instead haf Cnut being lonk and trewly þinking þe tide would listen to him.

Harold I Harefoot (Huse of Denmark) 1035 – 1040

Harold was þe misbegotten son of Cnut. He took þe English þrone upon þe deaþ of his faþer while his older halfbroþer Harþacnut, þe ritfeul erfnimmer, was back home sheelding Denmark from foes. Harold died þree years into his time on þe þrone, only weeks before Harþacnut was set to head to England and nim back þe þrone. Harþacanute had his broþer's body dug up, beheaded, and þrown into þe Tems. His bits were later gaþered and edburied in London.

Harþacnut (Huse of Denmark) 1040 – 1042

Harþacnut was fanged rite away as king. Maybe at þe behest of his moþer, he welcomed his English halfbroþer Edward, son of Aþelred þe Unredey, back from freemdom in Normandy. Only abute a year later, Harþacnut died at a wedding while toasting to þe healþ of þe bride. He was only four-and-twenty.

Edward II þe Andetter 1042 – 1066

Edward was þe broþer of Edmund Ironside, and halfbroþer to Harþacnut. He brot back þe Huse of Wessex to þe English þrone. A deeply troþful man, he ofersaw þe edbilding of Westminster Abbey, leafing much of þe running of þe land to his earl Godwin and his son Harold Godwinson. Edward died childless, and wiþ no erfnimmer.

Harold II Godwinson 1066

Alþo not from þe huse of Wessex himself, Harold Godwinson was chosen king by þe Wittenmoot. Huefer, William þe Misbegotten, þe Earl of Normandy, put forþ þat Edward had made William his erfnimmer some years earlier. While Harold was busy felling a Norwayish here at þe Guþe of Stamford Bridge up norþ, William stormed suþern England. Harold swiftly brot his men dune wiþute time for rest, and þe two sides met at þe Guþe of Hastings, where Harold was felled.

Edgar II Aþeling 1066

Edgar was born in Hungary to Edward þe Fleem, þe son of king Edmund Ironside who had been kicked ute of England by Cnut. Edgar's faþer had eftcome to England on þe behest of Edward þe Andetter, but Edward died shortly þereafter. Alþo named king by þe Wittenmoot, Edgar could not stand up to William's here, and so he stood dune from þe þrone. Edgar sot to take back his þrone not long after, but fund he still could not. For þe rest of his life he went hiþer and þiþer, sometimes at odds wiþ þe Normans, sometimes beside þem, and often putting his mark on þe great happenings of þe day.

Huse of Normandy (and Blois)
William I 1066 - 1087

William II Rufus 1087 - 1100

Henry I 1100 - 1135

Matilda & Stephen 1135 - 1154

Matila was þe dotter of Henry I. Alþo she was her faþer's chosen erfnimmer, many þanes sided wiþ Steffen of Blois. Þe followers of Matilda and Steffen fot each oþer until a deal was struck wherein Steffen would be fanged as king, but Matilda's son would be his erfnimmer. þiss was made comendly by Steffen's son dying of a sickness.

Huse of Anjou
Henry II Curtmantel

Henry was þe son of Matilda. He sot to put þe church in England under his weeld by making his freend Þomas Becket þe Alderbishop of Canterbury, but Becket ended up siding wiþ þe church. Becket was killed, maybe on þe king's bidding.

Richard I þe Lionheart

Richard spent littel time in England, lifing instead in Acwitain. He þeeded himself to þe Þird Crusade, and on þe way back was fanged by Henry VI, þe Holy Roomish Coaser who did not like Richard. After Richard's followers back home gafe yiselyeeld to Henry, Richard was leesed. Richard fot a wye against Fillip of Frankrich, and later died.

John Lackland

John was þe broþer of Richard. He fant to take þe þrone from Richard when Richard was on a roodsiþe, but he trucked. He later erfnome þe þrone anyway. While he was king þe English-French Wye of 1202–1214 broke ute, and John lost much of his huse's holdings in Frankland to Fillip II. John later got into a fite wiþ þe Pope ofer who should be þe Alderbishop of Canterbury, so þe Pope mansed him, but þe bickering was settelled and John was numb back into þe church. John fant to fite Frankrich again in 1214, but þe fite was cwickly forsaken. When he went back to England his þanes rose up and made John to be þwere wiþ þe Articels of þe Barons, and later þe Magna Carta. John did not heed þe Magna Carta, so þe First Þanes' Wye broke ute. A French aþeling stormed England on behalf of þe English þanes, and John died. John was þe first king of England sinse 1066 to know hue to speak English.

Plantagenet Branch of Anjou
Henry III

Edward III Longshanks (known widely as Edward I)

Edward IV (known widely as Edward II)

Edward V (known widely as Edward III)

Richard II

Henry IV of Lancaster

Henry V of Lancaster

Henry VI of Lancaster

Edward VI of York (known widely as Edward IV)

Henry VI of Lancaster

Edward VII of York (known widely as Edward V)

Richard III of York

Huse of Tudor
Henry VII

Henry VIII

Edward VIII (known widely as Edward VI)

Jane (Huse Grey)

Mary I & Fillip

Elizabeth I