The Egg

Þiss is an Anglish uf "The Egg" by Andy Weir. Þe  sum  uf , along wiþ marks of Anglish spelling and  spelling. bie Arcþunder.

Þe Writ
on way home when þue.

It was a. Nuþing, but nunþeless. Þue left behinde a wife and two children. It was a deþ. Þe E.M.T.s  best to , but to no. Þie body was so utterly shattered þat þue wert better off, me.

And þat's when þue met me.

"What… what ?" Þue asked. "Whare am I?"

"Þue swelted," I sed. No in mincing wurds.

"Þare was a… a, and it was sliding…"

"Yup," I sed.

"I… I swelted?"

"Yup. But don't feel bad abute it. Evryone swelts," I sed.

Þue lookt abute. Þare was nuþingness. Naut but þee and me. "What is þiss ?" Þue asked. "Is þiss þe afterlife?"

"More or less," I sed.

" þue God?" Þue asked.

"Yup," I. "I'm God."

"My kids… my wife," þue sed.

"What abute ?"

"Will be alrite?"

"Þat's what I like to see," I sed. "Þue swelted and þie main  is for þie . Þat's  rite þare."

Þue. To þee, I didn't look like God. I lookt like sum man. Or maybe a woman. Sum , maybe. More uf a  teacher þan þe almity.

"Don't worry," I sed. "Hie'll be fine. Þie kids will þee as flawless in evry way. Hie don't hav time to . Þie wife will weep on þe uteside, but will be  . To be fair,  wedlock was falling . If it's eny, she'll feel  gilty for feeling lisst."

"O," þue sed. "So what befalls nue? Doo I gow to hevven or hell or sumþing?"

"Neeþer," I sed. " be ."

"Ah," þue sed. "So þe Hindoos wer rite,"

"All troþs ar rite in hire own way," I sed. "Wak wiþ me."

Þue followed along as we strode þroo þe. "Whare ar we gowing?"

, I sed. ""

"So what's þe ord, þen?" Þue asked. "When I, I'll be but a , rite? A baby. So all my  and evryþing I did in þiss life won't ."

"Not so!" I sed. "Þue wiþin þee all þe knoledge and undergowings uf all þie  lives. Þue naut but don't mun hem rite nue."

I stopt wakking and took þee by þe showlders. "Þie sowl is more, , and þan þue canst  . A  minde can only  a slivver uf what þue art. It's like sticking þie finger in a glass uf watter to see if it's hot or colde. Þue poot a tiny deal of þieself into þe , and when þue bringest it back ute, þue hast  all þe undergowings it had."

"Þue hast ben in a for þe last eit-and-forty years, so þue hast not strecht ute yet and felt þe rest uf þie  . If we hung ute here for long enuff, þue'd start munning evryþing. But þare's no  doing þat between each life."

"Hue meny times hav I ben edfleshhamed, þen?"

"O lots. Lots and lots. And into lots of lives." I sed. "Þiss time abute, þue'lt be a  girl in 540 A.D."

", what?" Þue stammered. "Þue'rt sending me back in time?"

"Well, Time, as þue knowest, only  in þie . Þings ar sundry whare I cum frum."

"Whare þue cum frum?" Þue said.

"O ," I. "I cum frum sumwhare. Sumwhare elce. And þare ar uþþers like me. I know þue'lt to know what it's like þare, but  trewþfully þue woudn't understand."

"O," þue sed, a little dune. "But bide. If I yet edfleshhamed to uþþer steads in time, I coud hav mieself at sum ord."

"Wissly. Befalls all þe time. And wiþ boþe lives only aware uf hire own lifespan þue don't even know it's befalling."

"So what's þe ord uf it all?"

"?" I asked. "Ernestly? Þue'rt asking me for þe meaning uf life? Isn't þat a littel ?"

"Well it's a fair ," þue.

I lookt þee in þe ie. "Þe meaning uf life, þe I made þiss hole alshaft, is for þee to ."

"Þue meanest mankinde? Þue wilt uss to ripen?"

"No, only þue. I made þiss hole alshaft for þee. Wiþ each new life þue grow and ripen and becum a bigger and grater intellect."

"Only me? What abute evryone elce?"

"Þare is no one elce," I sed. "In þiss alshaft, þare's only þee and me."

Þue stared at me. "But all þe folks on Erþ..."

"All þee. Sundry uf þee.

"Bide. I'm evryone!?"

"Nue þue'rt yetting it," I sed, wiþ a slap on þe back.

"I'm evry mennish being hoo evver livved?"

"Or hoo will evver liv, yes."

"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"

"And þue'rt John Wilkes Booþ, too," I.

"I'm Hitler?" Þue sed,.

"And þue'rt þe he killed."

"I'm ?"

"And þue'rt evryone hoo followed him."

Þue.

"Evry time þue someone," I sed, "þue wert unfairly wraking þieself. Evry deed uf kindness þue hast dun, þue hast dun to þieself. Evry  and sad brietom evver undergon bie eny man was, or will be, undergon bie þee."

Þue þot for a long time.

"Whie?" Þue asked me. "Whie doo all þiss?"

"Forþat sumday, þue wilt becum like me. Since þat's what þue art. Þue'rt one uf mie kinde. Þue'rt mie childe."

"Whoa," þue sed,. "Þue meanest I'm a god?"

"No. Not yet. Þue'rt a . Þue'rt still growing. Once þue hast livved evry mennish life þrooute all time, þue wilt hav grown enuff to be born."

"So þe hole alshaft," þue sed, "it's but..."

"An ey." I anqueaþed. "Nue it's time for þue to on to þie next life."

And I sent þee on þie way.