Þe Kings and Cweens of England

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The text here was adapted from a document called Kings and Queens of England & Britain by Ben Johnson, The Story of Britain by Rebecca Fraser, and from Wikipedia.

I have chosen to count the first kings of England named Edward in the king numbering scheme, so in this text Edward Longshanks is Edward the Third rather than Edward the First.

Beware, this article: uses spellings which have had foreign influence reverted.

Huse Wessex (before oning)

Cerdic 519 – 534

It is said þat Cerdic and his sun Cynric came from uteside of Britten, landed in Hampscire in 495, slew a Brittisc king named Natanleod, and made þe Kingdom of Wessex. But it is odd þat Cerdic and þe next few men in his bloodline seem to bear Brittisc names. Sum beleefe Cerdic was in trewþ a Brit, and þat his kingdom only became Englisc ofer time, wiþ later folk edwriting stear to make it seem as þoug þe kingdom was Englisc from þe start.

Cynric 534 – 560

Under Cynric, Wessex widened into Wiltscire and took Barbery Castel.

Ceawlin 560 – 592

Ceawlin kept on widening Wessex, figting Brits as well as fellow Engelkin. Bede says Ceawlin gained lordscip ofer all þe lands suþe of þe Humber. It is said þat his neefe took his þrone after winning þe Guþe of Wooden's Barrow.

Ceolric 592 – 597

Ceolric was þe sunsun of Cynric. He handed þe þrone ofer to his broþer Ceolwulf.

Ceolwulf 597 – 611

Ceolwulf fougt neigboring folk.

Cynegils 611 – 642

Cynegils may haf fougt ayenst Penda of Markric.

Cenwalh 642 – 674

Cenwalh was baptised by Birinus, but it seems he was not a good Cristen. It is said he wed Pendas daugter, but swapped her ute for anoþer wife, leading to him being drifen ute of his kingdom and taking scelter wiþ þe East Engels. He seems to haf cum back to his þrone and set up biscopricks.

Seaxburg 672 – 674

Seaxburg was þe wife of Cenwalh. It may be þat þrugeute her weeld Wessex was splintered into underkingdoms.

Æscwine 674 – 676

Wessex may haf still been splintered þrugeute his time on þe þrone. He fougt off a storming of Wessex by Wulfhere of Markric.

Centwine 676 – 686

Wessex may haf still been splintered þrugeute his time on þe þrone. It is said he drofe þe Brits to þe sea, and at sum time became a Cristen, and later yafe up his þrone to becum a munk.

Cædwalla 685 – 688

Cædwalla was fleemed from Wessex as a yewþ, but he is said to haf brougt sum of his men wiþ him and slew þe king of þe Suþe Saxes, but cud not hold þe land for himself. He eftcame home, took þe þrone, and bund þe kingdom back togeþer. Cædwalla widened his weeld; he hwarfed back to Sussex and took þe land; he went suþe, took þe Iland of Wite, wiped ute þe huse of its king, and made þe landfolk becum Cristens; he went east and put Kent under his lordscip. At þe end of his life, Cædwalla went to Room to be baptised by Pope Sergius I, and died scortly after.

Ine 688 – 726

Ine cud not hold onto all þe land Cædwalla had num, þoug he kept Hampscire. Ine put forþ a set of laws called in Latin "leges Inae". Later in life he yafe up þe þrone and went to Room.

Æþelheard 726 – 740

Æþelheard may haf been þe broþer-in-law of Ine. It may be þat Æþelheard took þe þrone wiþ Markisc backing, and þiss may haf put Wessex under Markricces lordscip.

Cuþræd 740 – 756

Cuþræd may haf been Æþelheards broþer. At þiss time Markric was at its hite. Cuþræd freed Wessex from Markricces oferlordscip at Guþe Edge in Burford.

Sigeberht 756 – 757

Sigeberht was kin of Cuþræd. He was unliked and was þrown off þe þrone. He was yeafen weeld ofer Hampscire, but before long he was drifen ute of þere and killed.

Cynewulf 757 – 786

Cynewulf was raised to þe þrone by þe Wittenmoot after Sigeberht was cast dune. He fougt þe Welsc, and þe Markiscmen to þe norþ. It is said þat hwile Cynewulf was away from his seat and wiþ only a small duþe, Cyneheard aþeling, þe broþer of Sigeberht, gaþered sum men and beset Cynewulf at his hold. Cynewulf went ute to figt, but was ofercum. Hwen sum of Cynewulfs þanes became aware þat sumþing was amiss þey rusced to hir king only to find him dead. Cyneheard bade þese þanes ricces if hy wold yeeld, but þe þanes ceose to figt for hir king and were also slain. Þe next morning hwen þe oþer þanes, þose hwo had not heard yesterday's din, learned of hir kings deaþ, hy rode to hwere Cyneheard was abiding. Ayen Cyneheard bade ricces, saying he wold yeaf boþ wealþ and land to þese þanes if hy wold follow him, but ayen he was spurned. Þe þanes told him hy wold nefer follow þe one hwo slew hir king. Þe þanes fougt until hy broke þruge þe gates of Cyneheards hold, and hy slew þe aþeling and his men.

Berhtric 786 – 802

Berhtric was king hwen þe earliest known Wiking raid happened at Dorset. He was a þoft of King Offa of Markric.

Ecgberht 802 – 839

Ecgberht was þe sun of Berhtric, and þe first king to set up a steady and wide weeld ofer all of England. After his fleemdom at þe yard of Carl þe Great in 802, he took back his kingdom of Wessex. Following his nimming of Markric in 827, he held weeld ofer all of England suþe of þe Humber. After furþer syes in Norþumberland and norþern Wales he became known by þe ekename Britenweelder. scortly before he died, almost sefenty years old, he felled a fayed host of Dens and Corniscmen in Cornwall.

Æþelwulf 839 – 856

Æþelwulf was þe sun of Ecgberht. In 851 he felled a Danisc here at þe guþe of Oakley hwile his eldest sun Æþelstan felled þe Dens at sea off þe score of Kent. A higely trowful man, Æþelwulf fared to Room wiþ his sun Ælfræd to see þe Pope in 855.

Æþelbald 856 – 860

Æþelbald was þe eldest sun of Æþelwulf. He was þroned after he came back from a pilgrimage to Room and made his faþer step dune. Following his faþers deaþ in 858, he wed his widowed stepmoþer Judiþ, but under þresting from þe circ þe wedlock was fordone after only a year.

Æþelberht 860 – 866

Æþelberht was þe broþer of Æþelbald. Shortly after being þroned, a Danisc here landed and sacked Wincester before being felled by þe Saxes. In 865 þe wiking Great Heaþen Here landed in East Engelric and swept þwart England.

Æþelræd 866 – 871

Æþelræd was þe broþer of Æþelberht. His time on þe þrone was a long struggel wiþ þe Dens hwo had numb York in 866, setting up þe wiking kingdom of York. Hwen þe Danisc here fared suþe, Wessex itself was þreatened, and so togeþer wiþ his broþer Ælfræd he set ute and fougt muc wiþ þe wikings at Reading, Ascdune and Basing. Æþelræd took earnest wunds bin þe next great guþe at Meretun in Hampscire and died scortly after.

Ælfræd þe Great 871 – 899

Ælfræd was þe broþer of Æþelræd, he was learned and is said to haf gone to Room twise. Ælfræd scowed himself to be a strong leader in many guþes, and as a wise leader held dune fife droof years of friþ wiþ þe Dens before hy ayen struck Wessex in 877. Ælfræd was made to fall back to a small iland in þe Summerset Wetlands, and it was from here þat he plotted his cumback (and hwere tales say he was cided by an old woman he was taking scelter wiþ for unwittingly letting her cakes burn). Wiþ great syes at Edington, Rocester and London, Ælfræd spread West Saxisc weeld ofer most of England. To fasten his hard won meres, Ælfræd set up a fulltime here and hwat wold becum þe Kingfleet of later years. To fasten his stead in stear, he called for þe writing of þe Engelkin Saw.

Eadweard þe Elder 899 – 924

Eadweard was þe sun of Ælfræd. He took back suþeeast England and þe Midlands from þe Dens. Following þe þe deaþ of his sister Æþelflæd of Markric, Eadweard fayed þe kingdoms of Wessex and Markric. In 923, þe Engelkin Saw says þat þe Skottisc King Constantine II acknowledged Eadweard as “faþer and lord”. Þe following year, Eadweard was killed in a guþe ayenst þe Welsc near Cester.

Huse Wessex

Aþelstan 924 – 939

Aþelstan was þe sun of Eadweard. He widened þe meres of his kingdom at þe Guþe of Brunanburh in 937. In hwat is said to be one of þe bloodiest guþes efer fougt on Brittisc ground, Aþelstan felled a fayed here of Welsc and Dens, taking for himself þe ekename Britenweelder. Þe guþe saw þe Engelkin folk brougt togeþer for þe first time under a trew and hwole Kingdom of England. For þiss, Aþelstan is known as þe first king of England.

Edmund 939 – 946

Edmund was þe halfboþer of Aþelstan, and had fougt alongside him at þe Guþe of Brunanburh two years earlier. He ayen set up Engelkin weeld ofer norþern England, hwic had fallen back under Norþman weeld following þe deaþ of his broþer. At fife-and-twenty, and hwile afeeing þe simbel of Augustine, it is said Edmund was stabbed to deaþ by a þeef in his hall at Puckelcirc.

Edred 946 – 955

Edred was þe broþer of Edmund. He followed in his hirds wone of slaying wikings, and in 954 þrew ute þe last wiking King of York, Eric Bloodax. Edred lifed wiþ an earnest belly sickness þat ended up killing him in his early þirties. He was unwed and wiþute an erfnimmer.

Edwy 955 – 959

Edwy was þe neefe of Edred, and was abute sixteen hwen he was þroned. Tales haf it þat his þroning had to be stalled so þat Biscop Dunstan cud rip Edwy from his bed, and from his hwore and her moþer. It is said þat for þiss Edwy had Dunstan fleemed to Frankric. Edwy died hwen he was only twenty, þe umbstandings of his deaþ were not written dune.

Edgar þe Friþful 959 – 975

Edgar was þe broþer of Edwy, and had been at odds wiþ his broþer ofer þe þrone for sum years. Following Edwys weird deaþ, Edgar called Dunstan back rigt away from fleemdom, making him Alderbiscop of Canterbery as well as his personal redesman. Following his þroning in 973, Edgar weyed his here to Cester to be met by six kings of Britain. Þe kings, yinning þe King of þe Skots, þe King of Strackelledwales, and sundry aþelings of Norwales, are said to haf scowed hir trow to Edgar by rowing him in his ferry dune þe ea called Dee.

Edward I þe Þroer 975 – 978

Edward was þe sun of Edgar, and was þroned at twelfe years old. Alþoug staddelled by Alderbiscop Dunstan, his call to þe þrone was gainstood by followers of his muc younger halfbroþer Aþelred. Þe following flite between þe two sides wiþin þe circ and between hers almost led to infigting in England. Edwards scort time on þe þrone ended hwen he was murþered by followers of Aþelred.

Aþelred þe Unredey 978 – 1016

Aþelred was þe halfbroþer of Edward. He cud not stand ayenst þe Dens, earning him his ekename. He became king umb ten years old, but fled to Normandy in 1013 hwen Sweyn Forkbeard, King of þe Dens, stormed England. Sweyn was boded King of England but died only fife weeks later. Aþelred eftcame in 1014 after Sweyns deaþ and took back his þrone. Þe rest of Aþelreds time on þe þrone was one of an unending war wiþ Sweyn's sun Cnut.

Edmund II Ironside 1016 – 1016

Þe sun of Aþelred þe Unredey, Edmund had led þe figt ayenst Cnut and his storming of England sinse 1015. Following þe deaþ of his faþer he was made king by þe folk of London. Þe Wittenmoot, huefer, ceose Cnut. Following his loss at þe Guþe of Assandun, Edmund made a deal wiþ Cnut to split England between þem. Edmund died later þat year, maybe from murþer.

Cnut (Huse Denmark) 1016 – 1035

Cnut became king of all England following þe deaþ of Edmund II. Þe sun of Sweyn Forkbeard, he lead well and gained þe blessing of his Englisc underlings by sending most of his here back to Denmark. In 1017, Cnut wed Emma of Normandy, þe widow of Aþelred II, and sundered England into þe four earldoms of East Engels, Markric, Norþumberland, and Wessex. He went to Room in 1027. Tales haf it þat he onse went to þe sea and bade þe tide not to cum in so þat his underlings cud see his migt was not beyond þat of a man, þoug later edtellings twist þe tale to instead haf Cnut being lonk and trewly þinking þe tide wold listen to him.

Harold I Harefoot (Huse Denmark) 1035 – 1040

Harold was þe misbegotten sun of Cnut. He took þe Englisc þrone upon þe deaþ of his faþer hwile his older halfbroþer Harþacnut, þe rigtful erfnimmer, was back home sceelding Denmark from foes. Harold died þree years into his time on þe þrone, only weeks before Harþacnut was set to head to England and nim back þe þrone. Harþacanute had his broþers body dug up, beheaded, and þrown into þe Tems. His bits were later gaþered and edberied in London.

Harþacnut (Huse Denmark) 1040 – 1042

Harþacnut was fanged rigt away as king. Maybe at þe behest of his moþer, he welcummed his Englisc halfbroþer Edward, sun of Aþelred þe Unredey, back from freemdom in Normandy. Only abute a year later, Harþacnut died at a wedding hwile toasting to þe healþ of þe bride. He was only four-and-twenty.

Edward II þe Andetter 1042 – 1066

Edward was þe broþer of Edmund Ironside, and halfbroþer to Harþacnut. He brougt back þe Huse of Wessex to þe Englisc þrone. A deeply troþful man, he ofersaw þe edbilding of Westminster Abbey, leafing muc of þe running of þe land to his earl Godwin and his sun Harold Godwinsun. Edward died cildless, and wiþ no erfnimmer.

Harold II Godwinsun 1066

Alþoug not from þe huse of Wessex himself, Harold Godwinsun was ceosen king by þe Wittenmoot. Huefer, William þe Misbegotten, þe Earl of Normandy, put forþ þat Edward had made William his erfnimmer sum years earlier. Hwile Harold was busy felling a Norwayisc here at þe Guþe of Stamford Bridge up norþ, William stormed suþern England. Harold swiftly brougt his men dune wiþute time for rest, and þe two sides met at þe Guþe of Hastings, hwere Harold was felled.

Edgar II Aþeling 1066

Edgar was born in Hungary to Edward þe Fleem, þe sun of king Edmund Ironside hwo had been kicked ute of England by Cnut. Edgars faþer had eftcum to England on þe behest of Edward þe Andetter, but Edward died scortly þereafter. Alþoug named king by þe Wittenmoot, Edgar cud not stand up to Williams here, and so he stood dune from þe þrone. Edgar sougt to take back his þrone not long after, but fund he still cud not. For þe rest of his life he went hiþer and þiþer, sumtimes at odds wiþ þe Normans, sumtimes beside þem, and often putting his mark on þe great happenings of þe day.

Huse Normandy

William I 1066 - 1087

I þink yew know hwat happened.

William II Rufus 1087 - 1100

William took Cumberland back into England. William bade muc scot from his underlings, leading to uprisings hwic he put dune. Sum Norman lords went to Wales to nim land hwic wold be away from þe kings reac. William also clasced wiþ rainbiscop Anselm, leading Anselm to flee England. William strongarmed his broþers and num sum land from em. William was killed by an arrow hwile hunting.

Henry I Beauclerk 1100 - 1135

Henry sougt to cweem his Englisc underlings þruge suc þings as a Charter of Liberties. Under Henry, Anselm eftcame, and þe Exchequer was stalled. Henry wed lady Ediþ of Skotland, hwose great eldfaþer was Edmund Ironside. Henrys broþer, Duke Robert, landed in England wiþ a here, hoping to nim England for himself, but he hwarfed back hwen he saw Henrys migt. Henry þen fougt þe lords hwo had sided wiþ Robert, before þen storming Normandy and nimming it from Robert. Henrys sun died hwen his scip sunk, so Henry named his daugter as his erfnimmer. It is said Henry died from eating too many eels.

Matilda (Huse Normandy) & Stephen (Huse Blois) 1135 - 1154

Matila was þe daugter of Henry I. Alþoug sce was her faþers ceosen erfnimmer, many earls sided wiþ Stephen of Blois. Þe followers of Matilda and Stephen fougt eac oþer until a deal was struck; Stephen wold be fanged as king, but Matildas sun wold follow him. Þis was made cummendly by Stephens sun dying of a sickness.

Huse Anjou

Henry II Curtmantel

Henry was þe sun of Matilda. He sougt to put þe circ in England under his weeld by making his freend Thomas Becket þe Alderbiscop of Canterbery, but Becket ended up siding wiþ þe circ. Becket was killed at the kings behest. Henry held muc land, owing to his faþer, moþer, and wife from Aquitaine. In 1115 Henry had eadless strongholds torn dune. Under Henry þe biscops in Wales began to acknowledge þe weeld of Canterbery. Amid Henrys time as king, Norman lords began working hir way into Ireland. Richard de Clare, also known as Strongbow, leading þe way.

Richard I þe Lionheart

Richard spent littel time in England, lifing instead in Acwitain. He þeeded himself to þe Þird Crusade, and on þe way back was fanged by Henry VI, þe Holy Roomisc Coaser hwo did not like Richard. After Richards followers back home yafe yiselyeeld to Henry, Richard was leesed. Richard fougt a wye ayenst Fillip of Frankric, and later died.

John Lackland

John was þe broþer of Richard. He fant to take þe þrone from Richard hwen Richard was on a crusade, but he trucked. He later erfnum þe þrone anyway. Hwile he was king þe Englisc-Frenc Wye of 1202–1214 broke ute, and John lost muc of his huses holdings in Frankland to Fillip II. John later got into a figt wiþ þe Pope ofer hwo scold be þe Alderbiscop of Canterbery, so þe Pope mansed him, but þe bickering was settelled and John was numb back into þe circ. John fant to figt Frankric ayen in 1214, but þe figt was cwickly forsaken. Hwen he went back to England his earls rose up and made John to be þwere wiþ þe Articles of þe Barons, and later þe Magna Carta. John did not heed þe Magna Carta, leading to þe First Earls Wye. Amid þis wye a Frenc aþeling named Louis stormed England on behalf of sum Englisc earls, and John died. John was þe first king of England sinse 1066 to know hue to speak Englisc.

Louis (Huse Capet)

Louis had þe backing of sum Englisc earls sinse hy did not like John, but after John died many of þese earls began backing Johns sun, Henry. Louis forsook England and went back go Frankland.

Henry III

Henry was þe sun of King John. He is said to be þe first Plantagenet king of England. Henry bued to þe Pope, and dealt ute lordscips and biscopricks to utelanders hwo he liked. Amid Henrys weeld, Englisc began to be written muc ayen. Henry fougt ayenst þe Frenc king and lost land to him; the great Angevin Empire had waned away. Henry had to gaþer his earls so often to ask for scot þat hy began to haf a greater say in running þe kingdom. Many say þis was þe beginning of Parliament as we know it today. Þe king did not get along wiþ many in his moot, and figting broke ute. Þe earl Simon de Montfort fanged boþ þe king and his erfnimmer after one guþe, and num weeld for himself.

Simon (Huse Montfort)

Simon beckoned a great moot hwic was made up of not only earls and biscops, but also men standing for þe scires and boroughs. Simon was beaten and killed by Henry þe Þirds sun, Edward Longscanks.

Edward III (I) Longscanks

Edward num weeld after killing Simon, þoug for a time his faþer was still king in name. Edward won Wales for himself. Hwen Edward went on a crusade he brougt his wife Eleanor.

Edward I (II)

Edward V (III)

Richard II

Henry IV of Lancaster

Henry V of Lancaster

Henry VI of Lancaster

Edward VI (IV) of York

Henry VI of Lancaster

Edward VII (V) of York

Richard III of York